dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
