My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
