Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
