not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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