sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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