for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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