You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
