Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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