Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
