Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
