her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
