I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize