It was confusing and full of hummus
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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