Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
