Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
