sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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