my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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