Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
