Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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