You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
