...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao