Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.