Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.