took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
