Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
