id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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