he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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