I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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