I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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