you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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