If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
