Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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