Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
