i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
