so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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