the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
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New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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