Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
