he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
time to smoke my breakfast
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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