your parents love me but you hate me
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
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