I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
