So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
