I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
