Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
