I haven't been this sober since birth.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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