Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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