Got a toothbrush?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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