you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
