I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
