never play flip cup with pint glasses
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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