omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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