I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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