college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
