So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
