This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
