Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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