I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Found the puke drawer
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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