I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
