I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
