she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
