I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
