I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
