I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
