You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
