took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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