Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
