Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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