I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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