I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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