thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
