he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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