using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
