He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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